so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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