If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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