There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
