I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
