cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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