woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
