He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
