Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
