So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
