drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
