Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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