What did we do last night that was yellow?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
should my penis look like a turkey
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
