So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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