Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
people are starting to question the shark bite story
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
