By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
