1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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