Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
