I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Randomize
