If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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