my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
