I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
