i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
