I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
