goodnight i made you a song goodbye
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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