you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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