end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
