Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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