I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
