She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
