My room smells like vodka and shame
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
