we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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