Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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