Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
