If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
