And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
