the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
