Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
