I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
