Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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