i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
