i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
