If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
