Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
