come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
