i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
