maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
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