we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
