Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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