Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
we should paint friendship bongs
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