i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
