Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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